Not for commercial use at this moment. No subscriptions, no payments, no real API. This is a concept and satirical project only.
The world's first subscription service for the qualities you no longer have time for. Empathy, presence, moral clarity — delivered via a clean REST API, billed monthly, cancel anytime (you won't).
Read slowly. Preferably out loud. Preferably to a person.
We optimised farming. Then attention. Then intimacy. Humanity was the next obvious quarter.
You already outsource memory to your phone, patience to your calendar, and taste to an algorithm. This is the logical conclusion.
We do not replace you. We wrap you in a thin abstraction layer, monetise the delta, and bill monthly in Euro.
Every feeling has a rate card. Every apology, a receipt. Every silence, a metric.
If this website makes you uncomfortable, the product is working.
The old rules still apply: earn honestly, share before you consume, and remember what is sacred. Even here. Especially here.
The five thieves run free in every feed: lust, anger, attachment, greed, ego. Their opposites — contentment, compassion, detachment, charity, humility — are the only real upgrade.
The project is satire, but the grounding is sincere. These principles shape how we think about work, wealth, and attention.
Earn a living through honest means, hard work, and integrity, without exploitation or deceit.
Share the fruits of your labor with the needy and the community; consume only after sharing.
Maintain constant remembrance of the Divine, cultivating spiritual awareness and mindfulness.
Every distraction, outrage, craving, and status panic is a signal. These ancient opposites turn the signal into service.
Channel creative and physical energy into disciplined goals, self-development, and selfless service rather than pure gratification.
Pause, breathe, and practice radical empathy so reactive rage becomes a calm, rational response.
Focus on internal purpose and spiritual growth so temporary relationships and things do not become unhealthy dependencies.
Fight the craving for more by sharing resources and practicing deep gratitude for what you already have.
Lift others up, acknowledge mistakes, and recognize the same human essence in everyone.
All plans include a 14-day existential crisis, free of charge.
For the emotionally curious.
For managers, founders, and other robots.
For governments, platforms, and the polycrisis.
One endpoint. Any relationship. We take care of tone, latency, and plausible deniability. SDKs available for TypeScript, Python, and marriage counselling.
await haas.apologise({
to: "mother",
regarding: "not calling since easter",
tone: "warm-but-not-desperate",
length: "medium",
sincerity: 0.82, // 0-1, billed per 0.1
followup: { call: true, within_days: 3 },
});
// → { id: "apo_9f21", sent_at: "2026-07-01T14:22:11Z",
// estimated_forgiveness: 0.71, cost_eur: 4.90 }Press inquiries, collaboration ideas, uncomfortable observations of your own — all welcome. Real humans reply from Munich, usually within 48 hours.
humanityasaservice.de is a satirical project about the industrialisation of feeling. No API exists. No subscription is real. The discomfort, however, is included at no extra cost.